i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
