I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
