My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
