The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
