I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
