my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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