zippers are such a cool invention
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
