you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
