Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i now understand why vodka
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
