theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
