turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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