HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
