so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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