I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
