Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
