I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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