i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
