is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
