someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
