I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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