nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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