I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
