Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
