I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
