I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
