I am puke
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize