at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
