question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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