So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
