i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
