just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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