its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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