He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
