Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
