I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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