Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
