You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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