I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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