The maid of honor just puked.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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