i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
