1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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