My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
