uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
