if i can run in heels then i can drive
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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