Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
