So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
