How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
