my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
