Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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