It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
