im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
