So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize