A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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