He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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