if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
