Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
