she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
