did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
