When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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