Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
