i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
