Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
