Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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