Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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