So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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