Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize