come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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